


Don't call me again anytime soon.

by thelastdragonlord



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-11 10:19:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7044451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelastdragonlord/pseuds/thelastdragonlord
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Look, I told you that you broke my heart, I wanted you to understand the pain you put me through, I wanted you to feel it. I wanted you to be heartbroken and ache the way I had to."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't call me again anytime soon.

**Author's Note:**

> GIVE THIS A CHANCE AND DON'T JUDGE THE BAD TITLE I AM SORRY.  
> SO, I GOT INSPIRED BY THIS THING THAT I READ ON TWITTER THE OTHER DAY. AND OFCOURSE, I could never get enough of trying to connect everything to Merlin and Arthur so this happened. I want to thank Aviva since she edited this for me because english isn't my first language so you can have an idea of how many grammar mistakes I made, SO ILY AVIVA THANK YOU AGAIN<3.  
> Hope you enjoy this, idk.

_Look, I told you that you broke my heart, I wanted you to understand the pain you put me through, I wanted you to feel it. I wanted you to be heartbroken and ache the way I had to._

Though Merlin should’ve known better, it wasn’t an excuse to not feel this way. After all that happened, he felt stupid and broken and like he was in mourning. He was deeply and desperately in love with Arthur - despite trying to convince himself multiple times that it didn't mean anything to him. How could he believe that? Arthur, radiating and bright Arthur Pendragon who also was rich, popular and smart, feeling something for Merlin? Yeah, only he could've been stupid enough to believe that. 

Arthur used him for his little gay experiment and he agreed to it. Being the only gay one in their circle of friends, Arthur just thought he was convenient. Thought that someone who he trusted as much as Merlin would do the job rather well. He let Arthur use him for a while, but it was good. It was so, so good and he hated himself for wanting to try it again. (And if Arthur ever asked him again, he was sure he would accept in a heartbeat). 

Having this small part of Arthur’s attention meant everything to him. He could’ve sworn that Arthur’s “insignificant” gestures towards him actually meant something, like the little kisses he left on Merlin’s neck to wake him up on mornings after the nights they spent together, or when Merlin mentioned that he wanted a book that was recently released and Arthur showed up with it the next day, or when they just stayed home cuddling and watching TV like, as Arthur would say, "all friends do" because it was snowing outside. 

And then suddenly it was all done. Arthur showed up in his courtyard one day and decided that the weird secret friends with benefits thing they had going on had to stop, and left with a pitying smile on his face. He wasn’t sure if he hated Arthur or wanted him back - probably both if he was being honest. 

_But you didn’t care, you had better ways to move on like telling her you love her and pretending I don’t exist and not tossing and turning._

To his misfortune, he couldn't complain to anyone but Gwen about his current emotional state since his thing with Arthur was supposed to be a secret. But he had no choice other than to tell his friend after she confronted him about refusing to leave his house for anything but his classes. He was aware that he needed to move on, but it was pretty hard since Arthur seemed to have already gone and forgotten the whole ordeal. And it wasn't like he could ignore him. Belonging to the same group of friends, he had to see Arthur basically flaunting his new girl in his face. He seriously wanted to despise Mithian, but she was just so nice and beautiful that the only feeling that Merlin developed for her was jealousy. Just the way that Arthur held and kissed her in front of everyone made him feel sick. And the fact that Arthur made him feel invisible by the way he was ignoring him, like he didn't know who he was or all the moments they shared together, was worse than he could ever imagine. Although only Gwen knew exactly why he was like this, it wasn’t long before the rest of their friends noticed his “strange” mood and went so far as to ask him if he was feeling alright. In these cases, Merlin always tried to give them his best smile, saying nothing was wrong, but by the looks on their faces, he failed every time. 

_So I had to learn how to move on, I had to figure out how to forget you and replace the time I spent wasted on you._

The first time they had sex was at Lance’s party. And Lance being the DuLac he was, his parties always were full of people, which was the reason why no one had noticed the lack of their presences in the living room while they were busy sticking their tongues in each others mouths. Arthur wasn't Merlin’s first at all, but hell, it felt like was. He got inside his skin like no one else had before. And Merlin wondered if, after they had sex and were cuddled in bed together, Arthur meant the “I love you’s” he whispered into Merlin’s hair, or if he was just mumbling words in his sleep. He couldn't ask for more. Arthur had made him feel safe, desired and somehow loved every time they were together. 

_I listened to songs from bands I’ve never heard of and I started drinking tea instead of coffee, I run in the mornings and I try to keep myself busy it’s too hard to stop because then my thoughts catch up to me._

His friends knew something was wrong, and after realizing they would never get a straight answer from him, they changed tactics and tried to subtly help him. They invited him to one party after another, and Freya took him to obscure, indie concerts featuring bands Merlin would never have thought he’d catch himself liking. He went to Will and Gwaine’s football matches, and started to wake up early to exercise since the stress he had been feeling lately has been doing him no good. He also discovered the true value of tea after Gwen arrived with a teabox from Basilur as a gift to him. Merlin appreciated each effort his friends made for him, and he was decided to move on. Even though he liked to have time for himself, he felt like too much time spent in solitude resulted in him drowning in thoughts about calling Arthur for an explanation, or pleading with him for just one last time. He wanted to be himself again, to allow himself to find happiness with or without Arthur in his life (Or at least in the way he wanted him to be in it). 

_And for the time you ask me how I’m doing on a random Sunday afternoon and you’ll think that I’ll tell you how much I miss you: It's Sunday afternoon, I'm sorry but I'm busy, please don't call back anytime soon._

And because of course the world was always conspiring against him, on one of the occasions when he found himself alone in the coffee shop he visited frequently for his daily dose of caffeine and sugar, Arthur Pendragon appeared beside him, looking him over from head to toe. And despite telling himself he didn’t care, Merlin was secretly glad that he had just gotten a haircut a few days ago, and that he knew he smelt particularly good that day. So, after paying for his order and turning around to leave the shop, he didn't so much as glance at the blonde man, and started to walk past him, even though all he wanted to do was to slap Arthur’s face and tell him that he could hate him but he didn't want to, and then proceed to kiss him better. 

And later that night, he almost choked on his dinner when the familiar ringtone he knew so well sounded. A few months ago, he set that special ringtone so he would never have to waste any time checking the caller, and would be able to quickly pick up as soon as he heard it. Now, he was hesitant as to whether or not he should answer. 

He did and instantly wanted to punch himself. 

_“Merlin”_. He heard through the phone. His voice was soft but it turned nervous in a matter of seconds. _“I know I… I mean, today… I just… How’ve you been doing?”_

Merlin wanted to cry and just tell him the truth: “You know, I’ve tried to convince myself for the past two months that I’m no longer stuck with you but I’ve realized that I never was. No, I had to go and fall in love with you, but it just couldn't be, cause you left me like I didn't matter, and I can’t avoid you because you’re everywhere, you and your girlfriend, and it hurts, Arthur, it hurts so much cause I thought I was important to you, but after everything, you pretended it didn’t matter, and you dropped me without a second thought. I don't know if I’m more angry at myself or at you, but I miss you and love you. Please come back.” 

But instead, he took a deep breath and said what he knew was the right thing to say: 

_“Sorry, look, don't… Just don't call me again anytime soon or ever”_. And he hung up the phone.

**Author's Note:**

> KUDOS AND COMMENTS ARE WELL APPRECIATED.


End file.
